Caution: This post is filled with emotion. It is something I am feeling strongly about at this time in my life. I have a lot of hurt in my heart right now. If you think its inappropriate for me to post things like this on my own blog then read no further. Seriously.
I have a favor to ask to anyone and everyone who is, or has been, a mother..........STOP CRITICIZING EACH OTHER.......Please! I admit I'm an offender, but I've come to realize in the last week that mothers are very judgemental of each other and it has to stop.
Okay, are you ready for a confession? I make mistakes and, to be quite honest, I have no clue what I'm doing most of the time. I've never been a mom before so, just like mothers all over the world, I'm doing the best I know how. I take things day to day and figure them out as I go.
I don't mind taking advice from women who have raised children. But keep in mind that no matter how many kids you've raised, you've never raised mine, so there is no possible way for you to know everything about her and her needs. All of us were raised differently, therefore we will not always agree on the correct way to raise a child. ITS OKAY TO NOT AGREE WITH EACHOTHER, IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYONE IS RIGHT OR WRONG, WE'RE JUST DIFFERENT!!
If you raised 2 or 5 or 16 or any number of children, then you are surely a wise and amazing person. But before you judge a young new mother who has been doing this for 8 months, take a brief second to look back to when you had your first child 20+ years ago. Were you over protective? Did you spoil him/her? Did you have a hard time taking the bottle away from him/her? Even when he/she was 3 years old? Did you get stressed out when you were in public and your child was screaming and you weren't sure what to do about it? Where you nervous leaving your child with a baby sitter? Where you paranoid about germs? About what food you gave your baby? Did you give your child formula instead of breast milk (which is OKAY!!!!)? Did you love your child so much that you would do anything for them, did you always do what you felt was best regardless of what others thought of you? Take time to realize that you know more about children because you have years of experience of trial and error. And remember that you learned most of what you know from your own hands on experience and mistakes. Allow young mothers the same opportunity for learning and growth. Don't be afraid to give us advice or suggestions, tell us what worked for your children. But don't be judgemental, don't tell us the right or wrong way to raise a child because there's no book of rules or instructions. We do the best we can and we learn more every day. Most important, don't tell everyone you know that you think so-and-so is a bad mom. 90% of the time, gossip like that gets back to the person you're talking about, and it isn't fair to that person or the person who gets put in the middle of it.
I promise to stop being so critical of the way other women raise their children. I never knew how hard it would be. Now that I have been the victim of harsh judgement, I have a new found respect for all mothers. I feel like I try to do what is best for Morgan. I actually make a conscience effort each day to raise her the way I think Heavenly Father would want me to. I don't do everything right, but I try to do everything righteously. I know I fail sometimes, but the effort is there and I honestly am doing the best I know how, which is why it comes as a shock when such judgements are placed on me. I realize that all mothers are doing the same. So I apologize for any criticizing I've done, any unfair judgements I've placed on anyone, and any feelings I've hurt in doing so.
Aahhh, I feel a little better.
PS. If you post a comment it better have some major compliments in it! :) I need it right now!
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15 comments:
Dude what happened??? Hang in there! We all learn...and just wait not even 2 or your OWN kids are alike ;) That would make things so much easier :)
Being a mother is perhaps the most difficult job there is. You are required to know and do so many different things, it's impossible to be perfect! We'll all make mistakes, just learn and move on. Thanks so much for your post, you have voiced a lot of the feelings I have had lately. It's hard especially when critique comes from those closest to you, which it often will. Keep your head up, say your prayers, and let each day guide you to be better.
You're a wonderful mother Katie Webb! I have always thought that you were doing a great job with Morgan. I watched you closely so I could learn what to do for my little Madeline. You have been an example to me. I think you're doing a great job. She is the happiest little girl I have ever seen and she's lucky to have a mom who loves her so so very much.
I agree with your comments. I am not a mom yet, but it irretates me when I hear the kind of comments that bring other mothers down. Every child is different and you have to take it a day at a time like you said. You are doing the best you can and it shows, because you are happy and so is Morgan. Thanks for being such a good example.
Christine
Just wondering what lead this on?? Hope you are feeling better now!!
Chelsea
This was good to hear, especially as a new mother. I'm sorry to hear that something terrible had to happen to inspire you to write this, because as a young mother myself I am glad to learn from your experience. For us it is trial and error, and can't be much else...
Again, I'm sorry you had a terrible and sad experience.
I am going to post something like this on my blog... and tell all my fellow bloggers to post it on theirs. I agree with every word you said... and I have also thought mean things about others! I had an awful thing happen to me about a year ago and that is when I said I would try not to let myself do it to another mom again. I am so sorry you had it happen to you. You are one of the greatest mothers I know. I truly mean that. You are aware, caring, thoughtful, loving, happy and anything BUT a bad mom. Morgan is a wonderful baby... happy and healthy... And that is all on you!!
AMEN Katie! I loved this part:
"keep in mind that no matter how many kids you've raised, you've never raised mine"
I think every mother deals with this feeling of being judged for not doing things the way someone else thinks they should be done (newsflash- there's no ONE right way!). I think you're a great mom and I hope you feel at ease about this soon.
I'm glad that you finally said that, I have thought that for many years! When I was a new mother, to some, I could'nt do anything right, not enough to eat, dress them right or anything. People need to let the mother be the mother. I get a little mad just thinking about it!!!
Reading that brought back some bad memories!! You are a great mother and it shows!!!
I've been thinking about this for a while and I agree with you. I sometimes like advice too, I remember as a new mom it could really help sometimes. But also, sometimes you don't. And for me it is hard when a person just keep giving you advice when you didn't ask for it or need it in the first place. But yes, what is the most hurtful is when you get critized and talked bad about for just being the mother to your child, doing the very best that you can for what you think your child needs or wants in the moment or the long run. I'm doing my job, following my gut feeling and I don't need to explain my self, I'm doing what I think is best for my child. I think that being a mother 24/7 is the hardest job out there, especially if you give it a 100%...
I'm sorry you're hurt, Hang in there! I'm sure you're doing a terrific job being Morgans mother. -Mia.
Katie I think you are a great Mom! You put forth your best effort and thats all anyone can ask. I sometimes wish I was one of those people that believe I have all the answers. Wouldn't life be so much easier in some ways? ha, ha.
Katie, I would really do or give up anything right now to be a mother. I think it is such a miracle and I look up to you everyday. Please know how much I am proud of you. I know I don't see you everyday but I know you are an amazing mother. Keep doing what you are doing you are an amazing example. Thanks!!!
Amen Katie! I think you are a great mom. Morgan is a lucky girl to have such a great mommy :)
You are such a sweetheart!
Katie, I loved this. So much, I stole it and pasted it on my blog, hope ya don't mind!! I have wanted to scream the same things at people many a time...
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